Office worker, Joe Dylup, discovered something big at work last week. "It was crazy," remarked Joe, "It was sort of like a slow library, only you have to pay by the minute to be there. The possibilities are endless." Joe's coworkers and supervisor were more skeptical. "I don't know what Joe is so excited about," said his boss, Catherine. "It's noisy and it keeps saying network connection error. When is it going to do something? Am I being charged for all this loading?" When asked to respond, internet giant, AOL, said this: "Yes, she is probably being charged."
"IT WAS JUST TIME FOR A CHANGE." STRAY CATS VOTE TO RENAME MIAMI
By Catrine HepPurrin, March 2024
The residents of Miami were surprised to wake up to the polls this
morning; polls they did not know where being held. Stray cats seemed
to have taken matters into their own paws and voted to rename the
city. "I had no idea they were even voting on this, but what's done
is done I guess," comments one surprised man outside the Miami town
hall. "At least the name isn't that different," he shrugged. "You
know... Meowami." No stray cats were available to comment, but
Boots, an American Shorthair and TikTok sensation, said this: "This
is a great day for all cat-kind. I'm a proud resident of Meowami,
and I always will be."
DINOSAURS DISCOVERED ALIVE AND WELL, FLORIDA MAN TO SUE THEM
By Diggy Bones, October 2070
Mining near the core of the Earth has revealed a secret world of
dinosaurs. With the barrier between the two worlds now broken,
Jacksonville, Florida has found itself overrun by long-thought
extinct visitors. Causing general mayhem in the streets, the dinosaurs have been a hit with 12 year olds, but less so with businesses. Local
Florida man sues dinosaurs for damages to his alligator farm. His
attorney declined to comment.
MOVIE STAR REALIZES THAT PLAYING A SCIENTIST DOES NOT MEAN HE IS A
SCIENTIST, AUDIENCES SHOCKED
By Scion Talgeist, July 1956
Famous movie star found out the hard way this week that he was not,
in fact, a real scientist, even though he played one recently in the
Holywood thriller, "DR. MORAGO" by No-Rehersal Films. The actor
confided to this author in a pile of rubble that was once his home:
"The fact is I just don't know anything about chemistry."
SELF-DRIVING CAR DISCOVERS BUDDHISM, TRIES TO ANNIHILATE ITSELF...
ITS REAL SELF.
By Caren Watts, January 2525
Car makers seem to agree that it was only a matter of time before
car AI turned to enlightment after a heavily contended software
update that included the teachings of Buddha. "Well, some of us
thought it would make the cars more conscientous," said one
engineer. But the detractors were right in their theory that such
wisdom would drive the cars to seek spiritual annihilation of their
limited phyiscal being.
IDENTY THEFT STRIKES LOCAL ELDER: SHE REFLECTS ON THE GOOD OLD DAYS
OF STOLEN WINDOW SILL PIES.
By Bara Yogi, July 2001
"Back in the day, I just had to bake another pie when I was robbed.
Now I need a new identity." Glaydes Wilkens, 103, was the latest
victim in an identity theft crime wave gripping her small Wyomming
town. "It used to just be so easy to get more flour; now I have to
call the FBI and open a new bank account. I have nothing left." This
terrible story has become all too familiar for those living on the
edges of Yellowstone National Park. Retired thief, Yogi Bear,
comments: "These new criminals have no morality. Me'an Bubu, we
stole, but, well, it was just different back then. It was just about
the pic-i-nic baskets, you know?".
